I DON'T LOOK HOMELESS, I LOOK GOOD.

Most days at work that I think, "If I have to sit in this chair or look at this computer screen one minute longer, I am going to run out screaming profanities." But instead I just mutter those profanities under my breath and watch something on YouTube.

I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to sing in a community choir here in Kingsville that is predominately old people. Let's weigh the pros and cons...

PROS:
-I can sing in a choir and that's fun
-Old people love to bake stuff for young single people
-Continuous offers of Werther's Originals from old men

CONS:
-That PSSSSST sound oxygen tanks make every 10 seconds
-That really wobbly octogenarian vibrato
-I'll probably be known as Wayne the whole timeEither way, I'll probably end up doing it. It will give me some pretty good stories.

My car might be seeing it's final days. I am taking it to the shop tomorrow to have it looked at because the air conditioner is out, the service engine light is on, and its making a really crazy noise when you start it. In summary, it's effed.
I'm worried that it's going to be expensive to fix so I am going to start looking at new cars that get good gas mileage. Suggestions are appreciated.

I recently had my 90 day evaluation, the only complaint was from an elderly Board Member who said I needed to shave everyday. This was like a slap in my two day unshaven face. As a recent college graduate, I haven't shaved everyday since high school. So, now I'm trying to find a religion I can use as an excuse not to shave, even though no one laughed when I said, "Allah and my fellow Jihad members aren't going to like that..."

While in Austin last week, I had Bubble Tea twice. With that being said, I retract what I said about hating Bubble Tea. However, after the 100 degree heat melted the last few "pearls" at the bottom it looked like someone had taken a mallet to a couple of minnows in the bottom of my drink, and it almost ruined Bubble Tea for me once again. Almost.

This last Sunday at church we talked about having a plan and how God works through our plans. Pastor Bil said, "Whoever said there is a difference between God's plan and our own?" and "God never squashes a dream, it's biblical." I have really been praying a lot about these things he said, because I'm not sure that I agree.

He encouraged everyone to write down 50 things that you want, I have spent the last few days coming up with mine. Bil said that once you get past, new car, make millions, and all the other temporary riches you will really start to state what you want out of life. And when you look back at your list you can see underlying themes and specific areas that are a commonality throughout.

Bil said that this is how we can truly find what we are passionate about. God can't really use us until we understand what we are passionate about. That until then we are basically "stealing time from our employer."

I left really disheartened but also encouraged by some of the verses and other things he said. But I knew I really had to search and pray about what was spoken. There were so many things he said that I was really confused by. What happened to making God your passion and God will provide the rest? It definitely made me uneasy, because I'm at a crossroad where I'm not 100% sure what God has called me to be passionate about. I have no doubt that God could reveal plans for our lives in a list of wants, but there are so many other ways that those plans could be revealed.

I was really upset a while back when I was having lunch with one of my board members who is probably in her fifties and she said something to the effect of, "I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to be when I grow up." Is that the way is goes for some people? You spend your life working jobs you hate all while slowing making your way towards your passion and the grave?

In a really sad but selfish note: a year or so ago I bought the Michael Jackson Thriller record at a flea market and framed it for decoration.....CHA-CHING!

My Celeb Update:
-Jon & Kate: I'm so annoyed by you, you've officially earned your Octo-Mom status.
-Megan Fox: Get over yourself.
-Perez Hilton: I'm glad you got punched in the face, but your still gonna blog right
-Also while I was in Austin, I learned that Sandra Bullock not only loves Texas, but also historic preservation. My job is now looking a little more glamorous.
-If you are on Twitter you should definitely follow @mindykaling. It's Kelly from The Office and her tweets are seriously funny.
-Kayla is going to win So You Think You Can Dance right?!

I LOVE THIS...

I'M SORT OF LIKE A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE!

You can't live near the coast and at least not try to like the beach. So, I agreed to go to Port Aransas with my relatives for a 24 hour deep sea fishing trip. For those of you who know me, there are several things that are really hilarious about that sentence.

Let's just say that you shouldn't do ANYTHING consistently for 24 hours....

This picture pretty much sums up my trip:



This trip reiterated that maybe I should remove "Win Survivor" from my bucket list. Between massive amounts of humidity, salt water, and really obnoxious people I became really neurotic and cranky, making me a more suitable candidate for A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.

WHY WOULDN'T A BLANKET HAVE SLEEVES?

My life feels like I get up everyday and do the exact same thing. I mean it’s not just a feeling, I do, but I want to change it up a little. This is why I am here...blogging.

Today I had lunch with two elderly couples at a restaurant called the Cherry Tree Tea Room. They all snickered when I asked if they had any sandwiches without fruit. But I was being serious, and I chose meatloaf thinking it would be a safe alternative, only to find that the meatloaf is served ala raisins.

A lady that works on the Board took me to meet the two couples to talk about speaking at an upcoming event. I have never been great with old people, but I feel that with age I am becoming more acclimated to them. I was fascinated by how they had met in college at a house party and were all still together today hanging out.

My job is going okay. I'm still finding it awkward being in "the real world." Being in school your entire life and then going into the work force is a big jump. I mean, you get over it, but it's still weird to think that an entire chapter of my life has been completely closed.

In other updates, I own a Snuggie and I've been cutting my own hair.

At work there is a Board Member, Valerie, who during my interview was an absolute nightmare. She wore a biker outfit and yelled most of the questions she asked. But I have gotten to work with her more closely and she is my absolute favorite. When in the office Valerie always uses lunchtime to really get to know me as a person and on the flip side shows me who she is outside of being my boss.

She told me the story of her engagement. She said that her and her husband had met at a Bible Study in College. A few nights later she had a dream that he proposed to her. She said she really began to pray about why she had that dream, she said that later in the week she was alone with him and she told him about the dream. He then turned and breathed on the window and drew the outline of the diamond that she had seen in her dream. He said that God had made it known to him that she was “the one” and had bought a ring with her in mind.

A major plus of adulthood is the money. I feel rich. I mean, I'm not, but I don't have to constantly get online and look at the balance of my checking account to make sure I'm not overdrawn. And this, my friends, is how you know you’ve made it. So, if I send you a random gift that’s not for Christmas or your Birthday, it's not because I was thinking about you, it's because I wanted you to remember that I make more money than you.

I'm still looking for a really cool place in Kingsville to hang out. They used to have a coffee shop by the university, but it closed. And a Starbucks, but it's closed too. I just really want a place with a cool name, good variety in drinks, open early and late, good seating, and free wifi. But for real? Just coffee that isn’t H-E-B brand or has a Mc in front of it would be nice too.

After 8 years of driving I still have a bad habit of randomly not wearing my seat belt. Yesterday I got a ticket for speeding, not wearing a seat belt, not updating the information on my driver’s license, and not having a recent proof of insurance in my car. I don't have any idea how much the ticket is going to be. The State Trooper told me I would need to meet with the Judge and he would decide the fine. What a pain.

Yesterday at Church, we saw a video that magician/renowned atheist Penn Teller had posted to his blog. He was talking about meeting a stranger that offered him a small New Testament Bible. He then talked about how if there was a God and a chance that people really are going to hell, then why aren't more people living there beliefs like this man that approached him? He said, "How much do you have to hate someone to not say something?" It was so moving and very thought provoking! I loved it!


I'm still unhealthily obsessed with American Idol. But what else is new. To keep it short, I hate Adam, love Kris, and I'm impartial to Danny.


Seriously Jon Gosslin? Just when I was finally over Nick Lachey & Jessica Simpson's divorce....now this?

FUMIGATE THIS...

Last week I was in Austin for orientation for my new job. It was super boring but also informative. Plus, work payed for all my meals! Whoo! I hate going on trips where I have to wear specific things like this. Because I always forget important stuff. This trip, I forgot dress shoes and a belt. Yes, the essentials for a work trip. I guess this is what happens when you pack 15 minutes before you walk out the door.

I met up with Norman while I was in Austin, it was really fun to see him! We went to get a burger at this restaurant/bar on 6th street. This was my first experience with 6th Street. Thankfully, it was a Tuesday. Which means there weren't many people except for middle aged adults who try too hard.

The homeless population in Austin just don't like me that much. A homeless man offered me a flower so I took it, in awe of his nice gesture, I didn't realize he wanted money, but Norman finally caught up me to date by telling me to give the flower back. I wasn't going to give him change for a white carnation that I'm pretty sure was cut in half.
*NOTE TO THE HOMELESS MAN: You've got to step it up, unless, your planning on taking money from drunk people who don't have a good grip on reality...in that case, well played.

A homeless lady who was asking for money, pushed me when I didn't stop talking to listen to her sob story about needing money. I know, I'm heartless.

I'm sad that I didn't get to see all the bats that live under some bridge while I was there...and worse, I couldn't find Urban Outfitters. Next time Austin, next time.

Going back to the office was hard after a nice trip during the middle of the week. My office still doesn't feel like me yet. Unless, of course, you think of me as the type that would have a large assortment of sheriff badges on display, then I maybe I have it right.

This weekend was fun! I went to two shows, we saw Adele (who was amazing!) and we went to Joel Osteen's Church (who puts Barnum and Bailey's Circus to shame!) Don't be fooled into thinking that just because Joel (aka Ringleader) writes all the books and preaches all the sermons that he is the main act. There were plenty of other great things going on like, a man who has been carrying a cross on a wheel for 50 years, or an elderly lady being wheeled through the ailes blowing pageant-like kisses to the audience, or the picketing that was going on outside. Either way, last week was super fun!

While I was sitting in my office today, a man came in and sprayed for bugs...while I was sitting there. I didn't know what to do, I had always thought you had to leave when people sprayed for bugs. I'm probably wrong though. But if I do die from that exterminator, I will need something extra witty on my tombstone regarding Orkin or Terminix.

So, I have just learned that Missy Higgins is a bisexual. Hmm, that puts a whole new spin on The Special Two...

BUSINESS CARDS MEAN ADULTHOOD...

I am literally typing this in my office because I am THAT bored. Lupe (pronouced Loopey) in the office next door informed me that once he left I would be the only one left in the building. So, naturally I felt inclined to post a blog. Because nothing says integrity like not working when your boss isn't around.

My first week of work was okay. It's hard, and probably not too accurate, to base whether or not you like your job during the first week. Nancy, one of the board members and pretty much my supervisor has shown me the ropes this week. She is a 65(?) year old lady with bleach blonde hair and heavy make-up. I learned that, like most old people, she is a horrible driver. When she took me to lunch at Whataburger and we had waited less than a minute to pull out of the parking lot she said, "I have been sitting here too long, I'm just gonna pull out and hopefully those cars will stop." I thought I was going to die in that maroon Lincoln Towncar. Who knew small towns were so busy at lunch time?!

But being around the elderly hasn't been entirely boring. I have gotten a ton of baked goods. Because apparently I'm still a "growin' boy" and "need some meat on my bones." I have received two small cakes, brownies, and some cookies.

My first day at a real job was a lot less intimidating than I thought. I started out by getting to my office and having my picture taken for the local newspaper. I had always pictured my first real office a little differently, not with Texas paraphernalia and brochures everywhere. Regardless, I am excited about my job. Friday, was a little intimidating though. Nancy and the Chairman of the Board both were in the office and where throwing all sorts of crazy tasks and information at me. Very overwhelming. But, the fact that I, Lane Hollingsworth, officially have my own business card makes the stress of Friday melt away. At first I was sad, I felt this card might as well have been a ticket to real adulthood and never having fun again. But, it's still exciting and who knows how God is going to work in this new chapter of my life.

Because I have a real job now, I was invited to the Chamber of Commerce Banquet on Thursday. Being the youngest person there, all of the old people wanted to sit and chat with me. In doing so, I accepted invitations to a Lions Club meeting and to have breakfast with the mayor next week. I have a strong feeling that this will provide me with great blog posts in the future.

I was also sent an e-mail this week with an attached press release about me and my new position. There was a really great quote from me in there...that I definitely never said. I was never asked to give a quote or even told there was going to be anything written. But I didn't complain...I would have never said anything that sounded that professional...

Chris Brown and Rihanna=the new Bobby and Whitney?

LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES...WORDS TO LIVE BY.

This blog post is slightly different than most. I spend most of life, asking the questions, doing all the talking, and making witty remarks so I can avoid any sort of serious questions about things that I am feeling or experiencing.
So, in this post, I am choosing to open up to the things that I am feeling and about how God has been changing my life. I apologize if this post is boring, whiney, or too long. But, more than being read, this blog was about being written.

I haven't written on my blog in a long time. Mainly because I didn't know what I would write or what I would say.
I unwillingly and fearfully moved back to Abilene and into my parents house. I spent such a gut wrenching amount of time working day-to-day and never thinking about what would happen once January 1st came around and additional bills would need to be paid for loans I had taken out to pay for school.
Moving out of my apartment in Harlem, was an event that I thought would be a happy experience. But as Brittany and I wheeled out my whole life that miracuously fit into 2 suitcases, I realized that I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

I had always dreamed and read about New York City and thought that it would be so fun to live there. Moving there, I felt like that a dream had come true for me. And leaving I felt like that God was denying or disregarding what I wanted for myself. So many times I have thought, "This is what I wanted, It worked out so perfectly in the beginning, you made it seem so right and provided for me. Why did it end like this? Why did I fail?" I have countless recalled situations and thought if I had saved more money, sought different jobs, or moved somewhere different my outcome would have been better.

I miss the fast paced movement of the city, the rush I always got just walking down the street, and that satisfaction I felt when I realized that I was on the right subway car (haha).
I also miss those relationships I built with those I worked with. I know that many were those relationships that you experience while you were on the clock and when you left you wouldn't see those friends until your next shift. Regardless, I know that certain stories, jokes, and names will stick with me for a lifetime.

I miss Brittany. Experiencing the city with her was so exciting. I feel that because of things that we saw and experienced together that our friendship is so strong. It's like when you and a friend have an inside joke that no one understands. She and I will always have the memories of the experiences/adventures we had in New York.

Once I moved back to Abilene, I realized how much I had missed my friends and family. I spent a lot of that time consumed with a sense of self-absorbtion, wallowing with why my life hasn't turned out the way I wanted it too. I regret and apologize for not better utilizing my time in Abilene to rejuvenate, re-evalute, and rely on God and the people who care about me to help me through.

Now, I'm sitting in my apartment in Kingsville, TX. I was so nervous to move here to take my job as Regional Coordinator for Texas Tropical Tourism. Mainly because this was something I would have never dreamed I would do and was in a placed I never wanted to live. But, I'm confident that God has big plans. I have so many thoughts, goals, and things that I know God wants to teach me here in South Texas.

I promise that not all my blog posts will be this emotionally draining. But, it's my first one in forever. (Yes, Treg, I know I'm bad at updating my blog.) So, I felt like it needed to be real and let out some of the things I have thought and experienced in the last couple of months.