I posted this at work, feel free to judge me and my work ethic.

I feel like I spend a lot of time saying, "Oh, that is my guilty pleasure." But when I think about it, almost everything I do is somewhat embarrassing.

But, adding to the list of guilty pleasures is "More to Love" on FOX. I just couldn't watch the Bachlorette this season because Jillian was such an idiot. So, I've filled that sleazy hole inside me with the Bachlorette's D-list, huskier, little brother...More to Love.



My parents and brother are coming to visit me this weekend. I'm really excited about them coming to see me. I cleaned my apartment yesterday for them to come and stay, only to learn they are going to a hotel.
I cleaned for nothing, I mean, those dirty dishes could have been left sitting in the sink for at least another week and a half!

Since early this morning I have what I am pretty sure is heartburn. I've never had heartburn so I'm kinda freaked out. I looked it up on WebMD to see if I really had heartburn and read this..."Is there something wrong with your digestive system? Or maybe you think it’s your heart."

Actually, I didn't think it was my heart. But now I don't know. If I die in my office it might be a while before anyone smells me from the hall I just changed the Glade Plug-in.

Why Karma is Real: I ignored a lady at Wal-Mart when she asked me for the time, this resulted in me stepping in vomit on the way to the parking lot.

I keep having a reoccurring thought. Months ago I visited the King Ranch, and during the tour they talked about how they burn acres of land at a time. In this process, they said that the land comes back more green and beautiful than ever.

I like to think about life being like that, God puts us through situations that make us feel abandoned, with nothing left, and unsure of the future. But in time, he makes everything more beautiful that it has ever been before.

googling to stalking...a slippery slope.

I just got the windows tinted in my car and I carelessly wrote off the detail of not being able to roll down my windows for a week.

But this inconvenience only made me realize how often I need to roll down my windows...for fast food.

I'm not obese, but I was mortified at the number of times I thought, "I can't go there...my windows." Embarrassing. This is why I need a magic bullet blender and a maid who knows how to make Whataburger Taquitos.

(I'm also realizing this is the second blog I've written about going through drive thru's. I'm disgusting.)

Creepy Things I've Done Over the Course of a Week: (in no particular order)

• Googled/Cyber Stalked a new person in my office

• Stopped to look at puppies on the side of the road by myself.

• Walked around a cemetery (for it's historic value) and almost did a grave stone rubbing but then remembered I didn't bring crayons.

• Sat in my bedroom floor peering out the window while my next door neighbors fought in the parking lot.

• The people who live behind me were getting their mail at the same time as me and they threw something away. Impulsively, I pulled it out when they left to see what it was. (This one might be illegal...)

It could be urine...

Living in the Apple Creek apartment complex, I am constantly thinking to myself "Don't step in that, it might be urine."

Because sometimes there is a smell and there are puddles on the sidewalks and stairs.

But yesterday, I have never been more sure that those puddles were urine when I found this gem sitting at my next door neighbors front door...


I will admit that I can share numerous stories of odd behavior from the people next door. But, I have always given them the benefit of the doubt. Mainly, because I hope they do the same for me.

Because sometimes, I feel as if I can hear them thinking, "If he lives alone, why is he carrying all that pizza?" or "There he goes, Blockbuster on a Friday night." or "He's carrying 4 trash bags of garbage, someones been living in squaller..."

But, now that I have spotted a 3 liter bottle filled with urine, I am officially concerned.

I've turned into one of those nosey, shrill, next door neighbors from every Nick at Nite sitcom. My eyes peering out the blinds when I hear a car pull up and my ears straining to interpret a combination of English/Spanish.

But I really need to research this urine filled bottle, is it a drug thing? Because if they are cooking drugs I can get sick! I saw it on Grey's Anatomy once!

if someone wrote the menu in sharpie, drive away.

So, while at the drive-thru today of a local fast food Mexican restaurant called Casa de Taco, I was struck with the question of, "What is a UFO?" At least I was pretty sure it said UFO, it was hard to tell since the O had been drawn in with a Sharpie. But as it turns out a "UFO" is a tostada with guacamole, and I HATE guacamole, so I was gravely disappointed.

My next thought was, "If only there had been a picture." But as we all know, the pictures never look the same as what you get.

This is pretty right?

This one looks like it might have been found in between the cushions of a booth.

Who doesn't love a Beef & Cheddar?

It looks like they reheated it in a Ziploc bag.

Just as a warning, I was extremely grossed out and offended by this Wendy's chicken sandwich.

There are so many things I would like to say about this...and bon appetit is not one of them.

happy friday.

I WATCH TOO MANY MOVIES.

Once again, I am stuck without transportation. Never assume that purchasing a new foreign made vehicle wont leave stuck at work when you have a day full of meetings.

Is this God's way of telling me I'm destined for a bike? In this humidity, I'm going to pray that's not the plan.

Is it sad that I have been watching all the Harry Potter movies so that I can see the new one? I have only seen 2 of the movies before, so I'm watching most of them for the first time.

During my HP marathon I learned that I would like Harry Potter, not Daniel Radcliffe, to play me in a bio-pic about my life.

Reason #1. We are both have extraordinarily pasty skin.
Reason #2. He has a scar that burns when evil comes around and I have a scar on my hand that turns red when I'm sweaty.
Reason #3. We both have a thing for Asians.
Reason #4. We are both athletes. Harry plays Quidditch and I enjoy watching tennis.

This comparison? One word, uncanny.

ROMO & SIMPSON? WHAT A WORLD...

Over the weekend I got a new car, but they said it wouldn't be ready for me until Monday. And yesterday as I was driving it home from the dealership the check engine light came on.

This is another story I submitted to FMyLife.com and was also rejected. I'm 0 for 2. FML.

My first FML moment was when I got a ticket for not wearing my seat belt (and an assortment of other reasons) back in May. I still haven't paid it. Am I going to get arrested? If so, I have a good pose for my mugshot. Its a little bit Lindsey and a lotta Nick Nolte.

But I got my car today and everything is fine now. Don't worry, I'll post a picture of my car soon. My boss offered to take a picture on Friday when she comes to visit. I wonder if she'll be surprised when I take off my shirt and lay across the hood. After working 3 months with me, my guess is no.


Celeb Update:
So Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson are broken up which leaves me disappointed but not surprised. I was hoping for an MTV Newlyweds Show with Tony. But can you blame him? If you want to be with someone famous, why be with someone whos latest success is a Proactiv commericial.

Lindsey Lohan's new movie Labor Pains? On ABC Family? Maybe I've DVRed it, and maybe I haven't.

A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

This is a growing epidemic that has even made its way into the humble, non-English speaking city of Kingsville. 1 word, Guidos.

Urban Dictionary.com defines it as:
1. Guido
-A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.
-WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.


For further understanding:
-Read the blog Hot Chicks With Douchebags
-Watch the MTV show "Is She Really Going Out With Him."
-Or merely Google, hair gel, Ed Hardy, spray tanning or Armani Exchange.

For Example:
Apparently Jon Gosselin (whom I have written off) is starting his own clothing that he, his new girlfriend and Christian Adigier of Ed Hardy will design. Seriously? The only thing more ridiculous than Ed Hardy is Jon Gosselin designing clothes WITH Ed Hardy....FOR CHILDREN!


This is one of my favorite blogs talking about hating Ed Hardy...
Stuff White People Love #124 Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy

SPIDERS CRAWLING UP YOUR BACK...

I was going through old photos saved on my computer and found some of my apartment in NYC. This one is definitely a favorite.


The roomies were having laundry day! Well, not technically, it's just easier than saying "The roomies were having a Febreeze and Downy Wrinkle Releaser day!"

When you go to Sonic and order a Mango Cool Breeze, do you ever think of that song you sang as a kid, "tight squeeze, cool breeze, now you got the shiveries?" If you do, don't sing it to the carhop. They don't think it's funny.

DENTAL FLOSS, SIMPLE YET HORRIFYING.

Last night I had a dream that I lost 2 teeth, but then I just spit them out and threw them away like it was no big deal.

Reasons I had this dream...

Before I went to bed I watched Paris Hilton's My New BFF and ate a pepperoni Hot Pocket. A weird combination, that caused me to go to bed hungry and ready for a brawl in a bar. So with that, I was likely to dream about anything....

But, it's probably because I have been trying to floss more and I had a traumatizing experience yesterday. I was using one of those mint flavored floss picks and the string broke off in between my teeth and I flipped out because I couldn't get it out for 20 minutes.

I'm definitely a freaker-outer because in those 20 minutes I looked up a dentist to call (at 10:45pm) and tried to call my mom (who is on a cruise at the moment) to ask what I should do. And in case I had to get one of my teeth pulled, I practiced smiling to the left to cover my potential gap. But after poking, jabbing, and making promises with God, I got the floss out.