LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES...WORDS TO LIVE BY.

This blog post is slightly different than most. I spend most of life, asking the questions, doing all the talking, and making witty remarks so I can avoid any sort of serious questions about things that I am feeling or experiencing.
So, in this post, I am choosing to open up to the things that I am feeling and about how God has been changing my life. I apologize if this post is boring, whiney, or too long. But, more than being read, this blog was about being written.

I haven't written on my blog in a long time. Mainly because I didn't know what I would write or what I would say.
I unwillingly and fearfully moved back to Abilene and into my parents house. I spent such a gut wrenching amount of time working day-to-day and never thinking about what would happen once January 1st came around and additional bills would need to be paid for loans I had taken out to pay for school.
Moving out of my apartment in Harlem, was an event that I thought would be a happy experience. But as Brittany and I wheeled out my whole life that miracuously fit into 2 suitcases, I realized that I didn't know what I wanted anymore.

I had always dreamed and read about New York City and thought that it would be so fun to live there. Moving there, I felt like that a dream had come true for me. And leaving I felt like that God was denying or disregarding what I wanted for myself. So many times I have thought, "This is what I wanted, It worked out so perfectly in the beginning, you made it seem so right and provided for me. Why did it end like this? Why did I fail?" I have countless recalled situations and thought if I had saved more money, sought different jobs, or moved somewhere different my outcome would have been better.

I miss the fast paced movement of the city, the rush I always got just walking down the street, and that satisfaction I felt when I realized that I was on the right subway car (haha).
I also miss those relationships I built with those I worked with. I know that many were those relationships that you experience while you were on the clock and when you left you wouldn't see those friends until your next shift. Regardless, I know that certain stories, jokes, and names will stick with me for a lifetime.

I miss Brittany. Experiencing the city with her was so exciting. I feel that because of things that we saw and experienced together that our friendship is so strong. It's like when you and a friend have an inside joke that no one understands. She and I will always have the memories of the experiences/adventures we had in New York.

Once I moved back to Abilene, I realized how much I had missed my friends and family. I spent a lot of that time consumed with a sense of self-absorbtion, wallowing with why my life hasn't turned out the way I wanted it too. I regret and apologize for not better utilizing my time in Abilene to rejuvenate, re-evalute, and rely on God and the people who care about me to help me through.

Now, I'm sitting in my apartment in Kingsville, TX. I was so nervous to move here to take my job as Regional Coordinator for Texas Tropical Tourism. Mainly because this was something I would have never dreamed I would do and was in a placed I never wanted to live. But, I'm confident that God has big plans. I have so many thoughts, goals, and things that I know God wants to teach me here in South Texas.

I promise that not all my blog posts will be this emotionally draining. But, it's my first one in forever. (Yes, Treg, I know I'm bad at updating my blog.) So, I felt like it needed to be real and let out some of the things I have thought and experienced in the last couple of months.