Over the weekend I got a new car, but they said it wouldn't be ready for me until Monday. And yesterday as I was driving it home from the dealership the check engine light came on.
This is another story I submitted to FMyLife.com and was also rejected. I'm 0 for 2. FML.
My first FML moment was when I got a ticket for not wearing my seat belt (and an assortment of other reasons) back in May. I still haven't paid it. Am I going to get arrested? If so, I have a good pose for my mugshot. Its a little bit Lindsey and a lotta Nick Nolte.
But I got my car today and everything is fine now. Don't worry, I'll post a picture of my car soon. My boss offered to take a picture on Friday when she comes to visit. I wonder if she'll be surprised when I take off my shirt and lay across the hood. After working 3 months with me, my guess is no.
Celeb Update:
So Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson are broken up which leaves me disappointed but not surprised. I was hoping for an MTV Newlyweds Show with Tony. But can you blame him? If you want to be with someone famous, why be with someone whos latest success is a Proactiv commericial.
Lindsey Lohan's new movie Labor Pains? On ABC Family? Maybe I've DVRed it, and maybe I haven't.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
This is a growing epidemic that has even made its way into the humble, non-English speaking city of Kingsville. 1 word, Guidos.
Urban Dictionary.com defines it as:
1. Guido
-A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.
-WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.
For further understanding:
-Read the blog Hot Chicks With Douchebags
-Watch the MTV show "Is She Really Going Out With Him."
-Or merely Google, hair gel, Ed Hardy, spray tanning or Armani Exchange.
For Example:
Apparently Jon Gosselin (whom I have written off) is starting his own clothing that he, his new girlfriend and Christian Adigier of Ed Hardy will design. Seriously? The only thing more ridiculous than Ed Hardy is Jon Gosselin designing clothes WITH Ed Hardy....FOR CHILDREN!
This is one of my favorite blogs talking about hating Ed Hardy...
Stuff White People Love #124 Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy
Urban Dictionary.com defines it as:
1. Guido
-A sad pathetic excuse for a male; not necessarily of Italian descent, but most likely; usually native to the New York/New Jersey Tri-State area.
-WARDROBE: tight zipper shirts, tracksuits, designer jeans, fuzzy kangol hats, tiny hoop earrings, fake gold chains, and related Euro-trash garb and tacky cheese-wear.
For further understanding:
-Read the blog Hot Chicks With Douchebags
-Watch the MTV show "Is She Really Going Out With Him."
-Or merely Google, hair gel, Ed Hardy, spray tanning or Armani Exchange.
For Example:
Apparently Jon Gosselin (whom I have written off) is starting his own clothing that he, his new girlfriend and Christian Adigier of Ed Hardy will design. Seriously? The only thing more ridiculous than Ed Hardy is Jon Gosselin designing clothes WITH Ed Hardy....FOR CHILDREN!
This is one of my favorite blogs talking about hating Ed Hardy...
Stuff White People Love #124 Hating People Who Wear Ed Hardy
Sunday, July 12, 2009
SPIDERS CRAWLING UP YOUR BACK...
I was going through old photos saved on my computer and found some of my apartment in NYC. This one is definitely a favorite.
The roomies were having laundry day! Well, not technically, it's just easier than saying "The roomies were having a Febreeze and Downy Wrinkle Releaser day!"
When you go to Sonic and order a Mango Cool Breeze, do you ever think of that song you sang as a kid, "tight squeeze, cool breeze, now you got the shiveries?" If you do, don't sing it to the carhop. They don't think it's funny.
The roomies were having laundry day! Well, not technically, it's just easier than saying "The roomies were having a Febreeze and Downy Wrinkle Releaser day!"
When you go to Sonic and order a Mango Cool Breeze, do you ever think of that song you sang as a kid, "tight squeeze, cool breeze, now you got the shiveries?" If you do, don't sing it to the carhop. They don't think it's funny.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
DENTAL FLOSS, SIMPLE YET HORRIFYING.
Last night I had a dream that I lost 2 teeth, but then I just spit them out and threw them away like it was no big deal.
Reasons I had this dream...
Before I went to bed I watched Paris Hilton's My New BFF and ate a pepperoni Hot Pocket. A weird combination, that caused me to go to bed hungry and ready for a brawl in a bar. So with that, I was likely to dream about anything....
But, it's probably because I have been trying to floss more and I had a traumatizing experience yesterday. I was using one of those mint flavored floss picks and the string broke off in between my teeth and I flipped out because I couldn't get it out for 20 minutes.
I'm definitely a freaker-outer because in those 20 minutes I looked up a dentist to call (at 10:45pm) and tried to call my mom (who is on a cruise at the moment) to ask what I should do. And in case I had to get one of my teeth pulled, I practiced smiling to the left to cover my potential gap. But after poking, jabbing, and making promises with God, I got the floss out.
Reasons I had this dream...
Before I went to bed I watched Paris Hilton's My New BFF and ate a pepperoni Hot Pocket. A weird combination, that caused me to go to bed hungry and ready for a brawl in a bar. So with that, I was likely to dream about anything....
But, it's probably because I have been trying to floss more and I had a traumatizing experience yesterday. I was using one of those mint flavored floss picks and the string broke off in between my teeth and I flipped out because I couldn't get it out for 20 minutes.
I'm definitely a freaker-outer because in those 20 minutes I looked up a dentist to call (at 10:45pm) and tried to call my mom (who is on a cruise at the moment) to ask what I should do. And in case I had to get one of my teeth pulled, I practiced smiling to the left to cover my potential gap. But after poking, jabbing, and making promises with God, I got the floss out.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
I DON'T LOOK HOMELESS, I LOOK GOOD.
Most days at work that I think, "If I have to sit in this chair or look at this computer screen one minute longer, I am going to run out screaming profanities." But instead I just mutter those profanities under my breath and watch something on YouTube.
I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to sing in a community choir here in Kingsville that is predominately old people. Let's weigh the pros and cons...
PROS:
-I can sing in a choir and that's fun
-Old people love to bake stuff for young single people
-Continuous offers of Werther's Originals from old men
CONS:
-That PSSSSST sound oxygen tanks make every 10 seconds
-That really wobbly octogenarian vibrato
-I'll probably be known as Wayne the whole timeEither way, I'll probably end up doing it. It will give me some pretty good stories.
My car might be seeing it's final days. I am taking it to the shop tomorrow to have it looked at because the air conditioner is out, the service engine light is on, and its making a really crazy noise when you start it. In summary, it's effed.
I'm worried that it's going to be expensive to fix so I am going to start looking at new cars that get good gas mileage. Suggestions are appreciated.
I recently had my 90 day evaluation, the only complaint was from an elderly Board Member who said I needed to shave everyday. This was like a slap in my two day unshaven face. As a recent college graduate, I haven't shaved everyday since high school. So, now I'm trying to find a religion I can use as an excuse not to shave, even though no one laughed when I said, "Allah and my fellow Jihad members aren't going to like that..."
While in Austin last week, I had Bubble Tea twice. With that being said, I retract what I said about hating Bubble Tea. However, after the 100 degree heat melted the last few "pearls" at the bottom it looked like someone had taken a mallet to a couple of minnows in the bottom of my drink, and it almost ruined Bubble Tea for me once again. Almost.
This last Sunday at church we talked about having a plan and how God works through our plans. Pastor Bil said, "Whoever said there is a difference between God's plan and our own?" and "God never squashes a dream, it's biblical." I have really been praying a lot about these things he said, because I'm not sure that I agree.
He encouraged everyone to write down 50 things that you want, I have spent the last few days coming up with mine. Bil said that once you get past, new car, make millions, and all the other temporary riches you will really start to state what you want out of life. And when you look back at your list you can see underlying themes and specific areas that are a commonality throughout.
Bil said that this is how we can truly find what we are passionate about. God can't really use us until we understand what we are passionate about. That until then we are basically "stealing time from our employer."
I left really disheartened but also encouraged by some of the verses and other things he said. But I knew I really had to search and pray about what was spoken. There were so many things he said that I was really confused by. What happened to making God your passion and God will provide the rest? It definitely made me uneasy, because I'm at a crossroad where I'm not 100% sure what God has called me to be passionate about. I have no doubt that God could reveal plans for our lives in a list of wants, but there are so many other ways that those plans could be revealed.
I was really upset a while back when I was having lunch with one of my board members who is probably in her fifties and she said something to the effect of, "I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to be when I grow up." Is that the way is goes for some people? You spend your life working jobs you hate all while slowing making your way towards your passion and the grave?
In a really sad but selfish note: a year or so ago I bought the Michael Jackson Thriller record at a flea market and framed it for decoration.....CHA-CHING!
My Celeb Update:
-Jon & Kate: I'm so annoyed by you, you've officially earned your Octo-Mom status.
-Megan Fox: Get over yourself.
-Perez Hilton: I'm glad you got punched in the face, but your still gonna blog right
-Also while I was in Austin, I learned that Sandra Bullock not only loves Texas, but also historic preservation. My job is now looking a little more glamorous.
-If you are on Twitter you should definitely follow @mindykaling. It's Kelly from The Office and her tweets are seriously funny.
-Kayla is going to win So You Think You Can Dance right?!
I'm trying to decide whether or not I want to sing in a community choir here in Kingsville that is predominately old people. Let's weigh the pros and cons...
PROS:
-I can sing in a choir and that's fun
-Old people love to bake stuff for young single people
-Continuous offers of Werther's Originals from old men
CONS:
-That PSSSSST sound oxygen tanks make every 10 seconds
-That really wobbly octogenarian vibrato
-I'll probably be known as Wayne the whole timeEither way, I'll probably end up doing it. It will give me some pretty good stories.
My car might be seeing it's final days. I am taking it to the shop tomorrow to have it looked at because the air conditioner is out, the service engine light is on, and its making a really crazy noise when you start it. In summary, it's effed.
I'm worried that it's going to be expensive to fix so I am going to start looking at new cars that get good gas mileage. Suggestions are appreciated.
I recently had my 90 day evaluation, the only complaint was from an elderly Board Member who said I needed to shave everyday. This was like a slap in my two day unshaven face. As a recent college graduate, I haven't shaved everyday since high school. So, now I'm trying to find a religion I can use as an excuse not to shave, even though no one laughed when I said, "Allah and my fellow Jihad members aren't going to like that..."
While in Austin last week, I had Bubble Tea twice. With that being said, I retract what I said about hating Bubble Tea. However, after the 100 degree heat melted the last few "pearls" at the bottom it looked like someone had taken a mallet to a couple of minnows in the bottom of my drink, and it almost ruined Bubble Tea for me once again. Almost.
This last Sunday at church we talked about having a plan and how God works through our plans. Pastor Bil said, "Whoever said there is a difference between God's plan and our own?" and "God never squashes a dream, it's biblical." I have really been praying a lot about these things he said, because I'm not sure that I agree.
He encouraged everyone to write down 50 things that you want, I have spent the last few days coming up with mine. Bil said that once you get past, new car, make millions, and all the other temporary riches you will really start to state what you want out of life. And when you look back at your list you can see underlying themes and specific areas that are a commonality throughout.
Bil said that this is how we can truly find what we are passionate about. God can't really use us until we understand what we are passionate about. That until then we are basically "stealing time from our employer."
I left really disheartened but also encouraged by some of the verses and other things he said. But I knew I really had to search and pray about what was spoken. There were so many things he said that I was really confused by. What happened to making God your passion and God will provide the rest? It definitely made me uneasy, because I'm at a crossroad where I'm not 100% sure what God has called me to be passionate about. I have no doubt that God could reveal plans for our lives in a list of wants, but there are so many other ways that those plans could be revealed.
I was really upset a while back when I was having lunch with one of my board members who is probably in her fifties and she said something to the effect of, "I'm still trying to figure out what I'm going to be when I grow up." Is that the way is goes for some people? You spend your life working jobs you hate all while slowing making your way towards your passion and the grave?
In a really sad but selfish note: a year or so ago I bought the Michael Jackson Thriller record at a flea market and framed it for decoration.....CHA-CHING!
My Celeb Update:
-Jon & Kate: I'm so annoyed by you, you've officially earned your Octo-Mom status.
-Megan Fox: Get over yourself.
-Perez Hilton: I'm glad you got punched in the face, but your still gonna blog right
-Also while I was in Austin, I learned that Sandra Bullock not only loves Texas, but also historic preservation. My job is now looking a little more glamorous.
-If you are on Twitter you should definitely follow @mindykaling. It's Kelly from The Office and her tweets are seriously funny.
-Kayla is going to win So You Think You Can Dance right?!
Friday, June 26, 2009
I'M SORT OF LIKE A CELEBRITY GET ME OUT OF HERE!
You can't live near the coast and at least not try to like the beach. So, I agreed to go to Port Aransas with my relatives for a 24 hour deep sea fishing trip. For those of you who know me, there are several things that are really hilarious about that sentence.
Let's just say that you shouldn't do ANYTHING consistently for 24 hours....
This picture pretty much sums up my trip:
This trip reiterated that maybe I should remove "Win Survivor" from my bucket list. Between massive amounts of humidity, salt water, and really obnoxious people I became really neurotic and cranky, making me a more suitable candidate for A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.
Let's just say that you shouldn't do ANYTHING consistently for 24 hours....
This picture pretty much sums up my trip:
This trip reiterated that maybe I should remove "Win Survivor" from my bucket list. Between massive amounts of humidity, salt water, and really obnoxious people I became really neurotic and cranky, making me a more suitable candidate for A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila.
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