i blame work for my lack of blogging

Work has been crazy busy lately. Meetings, paperwork, coordinating workshops, interjected with frequent Facebooking.

I went to a meeting in Port Aransas earlier in the week. After the meeting, we go to lunch and as a part of our meal they bring all of us strawberry shortcake. It tasted horrible, it was like the strawberries had been basted in Robitussin. So after 2 bites I gave up and pushed it aside, but then I felt my throat start hurting, but things were going so well & I wasn't going to let a sore throat keep me from continuously dominating the conversation.

After I make it out to my car my throat is really hurting and as I get into my car I catch a glimpse of my reflection in the window and notice that my lips had swollen up twice their size.

I was surprised when my first reaction was anger. I was mad because no one had bothered to say, "Hey Lane, your face is really freaking me out."

Sadly, this hasn't been my only outing involving public humiliation. I also attended another meeting where I could hardly find time to use the bathroom. But when I did finally make that escape, I was rushed...a little too rushed that I got pee on the front of my pants.

Most of the time when this happens you think, "Okay, this will dry fast and no one will notice." But the moment I stepped out of the bathroom I found a lady waiting outside the door wanting to take a picture...for the newspaper. Yessss.

i'm impressed and disgusted.

This is from a weird and pretty gross website where a guy takes fast food and then turns it into "fancy" looking dishes. It's called Fancy Fast Food.

The picture above is some hot dogs and nachos from a 7-11.

The video on the website is enlightening yet horribly disgusting.

my upcoming business/bust-a-move meeting.

Work has been a little hectic. I have to give 3 presentations in the next week, which means I have to bring my A game.

A while back when I agreed to present I was told, "Just give us a taste of you and what you will be able to bring to other people's meetings. Sell yourself!"

Instantly, I thought back to college and taking all those speech communication classes and how the worst advice I ever got was, "Just talk to everyone the same way you would talk to a friend." It didn't end well...my friends don't get offended when I use the F word.

But all along I've just stuck with what I know best...being theatrical. So, for my presentation next week I have costumes. At one point I channel a lazy employee (which isn't a stretch) and then I do a mediocre impression of David Letterman complete with a pair of glasses and a Top 10.

My audience: geriatrics. This means if they fall asleep I can blame it on nap time or not having their hearing aids in

While these purple hairs may be my demographic, that wont stop me from doing an Ellen style dance to "Disturbia" as I am introduced.

"911, state your emergency/frustration."

I learned last week that my apartment complex has a zero tolerance policy for late rent.

I had written my check but forgot to take it to the office and literally the next day I had an eviction notice was on my door.

I thought that surely it was a mistake, but when I took my check I asked why they there was a notice on my door. Essentially, it came down to being a scare tactic to getting people to pay rent.

So, I was peeved by the notice but also because when I found it on my door the office was closed and the "24 hour answering service" wouldn't let me talk to a real office person when I told her I had an emergency.

She said disputing an eviction notice doesn't qualify as an emergency. I should have just called 911, that would've really gotten their attention, and possibly the attention of some psychiatric professionals...

Creepy/Embarassing things I've done this week: Work Edition
-I pretended to know someone on a personal level to keep a conversation going. They said, "Oh so you know So & So?" I had never met them, the only time I had ever spoken to the person they were asking about was when I took their drink order at Starbucks.

-Today I had to use the bathroom (#2) at work and the toilet wouldn't stop flushing. I freaked out and got out of the bathroom ASAP. It stunk in there and I was worried everyone would know it was me. Plus, I didn't want to be there if/when the toilet over flowed. This seems to be a common theme in my life...why God?

Paula Abdul isn't returning to American Idol. I was always annoyed by her nonsense & sloppy demeanor but she's one of the original judges. I think this is one of those cases where if you start messing with the original set up of the show, it's all going to go down hill.


Ugly Betty isn't going to be ugly anymore? What's the point then? Unless your renaming her Minority Betty, I wont be watching.


Also changing names...Radio Shack is changing it's name to just "The Shack."

My More to Love update: I strongly dislike the girl Melissa that cries all the time. I mean, pull it together, you're on TV!

this is a sappy song, but i love it.

Sometimes when I'm having a bad day I watch this. I love the song and the guy sings it amazing.

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

This weekend my parents came to town and we were feeling crazy and didn't want to go to the beach. So instead, we opted for going to a Greyhound dog racing track.

I know what your thinking, "Oh no! How could you watch such a horrible thing! Those poor dogs!" But, there were no dogs there, only racing being simulcast from other places. However, some urban gentlemen were fighting some pitbulls in the parking lot to keep everyone entertained.

There were times when I felt like I was at Chucky Cheese. There were so many children there. It's weird seeing people drink beer, watching dog races on TV, screaming profanities when they won/lost....all while there are babies crying and children getting spanked for running down the stairs.

My brother, Aaron, and I ate this whole experience up. I tried to take a lot of pictures but Aaron is a photographer that doesn't quite understand the concept of "Ready, 1,2,3!" But when we weren't trying to take pictures of crazy looking people or of me riding a statue of a greyhound like it was a bull, we gambled!

This was my first real experience gambling, if you considering watching dog racing on TV gambling. But, I was horrible and I didn't win any money. But it turns out that racing involves a little bit of strategy, I, however, placed bets based on the dogs with cool names like LA's Reba & John McCanine.

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CURRENTLY GIVING ME THE HEEBIE- JEEBIES...

MADONNA'S ARMS
Supposedly it's from working out too much? But why are her veins popping out so much??


JOHNNY DEPP PLAYING THE MAD HATTER
I've never really been afraid of clowns, but the crazy white makeup and red hair is really freakin' me out.

I posted this at work, feel free to judge me and my work ethic.

I feel like I spend a lot of time saying, "Oh, that is my guilty pleasure." But when I think about it, almost everything I do is somewhat embarrassing.

But, adding to the list of guilty pleasures is "More to Love" on FOX. I just couldn't watch the Bachlorette this season because Jillian was such an idiot. So, I've filled that sleazy hole inside me with the Bachlorette's D-list, huskier, little brother...More to Love.



My parents and brother are coming to visit me this weekend. I'm really excited about them coming to see me. I cleaned my apartment yesterday for them to come and stay, only to learn they are going to a hotel.
I cleaned for nothing, I mean, those dirty dishes could have been left sitting in the sink for at least another week and a half!

Since early this morning I have what I am pretty sure is heartburn. I've never had heartburn so I'm kinda freaked out. I looked it up on WebMD to see if I really had heartburn and read this..."Is there something wrong with your digestive system? Or maybe you think it’s your heart."

Actually, I didn't think it was my heart. But now I don't know. If I die in my office it might be a while before anyone smells me from the hall I just changed the Glade Plug-in.

Why Karma is Real: I ignored a lady at Wal-Mart when she asked me for the time, this resulted in me stepping in vomit on the way to the parking lot.

I keep having a reoccurring thought. Months ago I visited the King Ranch, and during the tour they talked about how they burn acres of land at a time. In this process, they said that the land comes back more green and beautiful than ever.

I like to think about life being like that, God puts us through situations that make us feel abandoned, with nothing left, and unsure of the future. But in time, he makes everything more beautiful that it has ever been before.